All is well here...Sean hasn't had any gauze taped to his face for the last couple of days...Mac is back at home which, among many things, means he and I can finally catch up on episodes of Project Runway...and I have been bouncing around the house like a crazy person getting stuff done with that hope that by tonight I will be relaxed and ready for tomorrow...the first day.
Over the weekend with this first day of school looming larger with every ticking minute I took account of various aspects of my life and realized I have a problem. I think it can be summed up as this, a lack of discipline. Despite my best intentions I manage to rarely be able to "stick to it"...no matter what it is...
School...although I don't quit I certainly lose my resolve to be on top of the workload and leave myself stressing several times throughtout each semester
Eating...don't even get me started...suffice it to say it would be a miracle if I could get through one week without needlessly shoving some kind of crap into my mouth
Exercise...truly one of the things that makes me feel better than anything else...yet I don't do it consistently
Spending...stretching the meaning of what I "need"...not looking at the bigger picture and taking careful consideration of every dollar
Reading...I dream...seriously dream...of being a person who reads books voraciously yet I don't do it...instead I fall asleep to the television, I read blogs, and flip through magazines
Cooking...again I dream of home-cooked meals and eating together at the table and there is not a single reason why it should not happen except for my own laziness and lack of commitment
So if these are the things I want why don't I do them...or if I try to do them why don't I do them consistently? I am blessed with the time and opportunity to accomplish everything I listed and more. Sure I have my strengths and weaknesses...we all do...but how can I not manage a way to tap into some steadfast discipline? Not a week, month or year...a lifetime.
Sorry to make you endure in my reveling in the pseudo "new year" that the start of school brings...an attempt to reassess and rededicate...and I am in desperate need of some re-dedication.
I'm eager to get the stack of syllabi into my hands from my four classes so I know what my fate is until December...amazing to think of all the reading, studying and writing that starts up again tomorrow...so with that I am off to enjoy my last few hours of freedom...and to make dinner...and exercise...and read. :)
